His Loss Hotline

Your Soft Launch Era Starts Here

• Kelly • Season 1 • Episode 5

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0:00 | 24:21

The soft launch is not a glow up. It is not a grand reveal or a curated comeback. It is the quiet, barely noticeable shift when you start existing again after heartbreak. Not healed. Not thriving. Just visible enough to remind yourself you are still here.

It looks like archiving the wedding photos. Changing your phone background to something that does not make you cry. Posting a meme that reads like a subtweet only you understand. It is wearing the jacket he hated. It is ordering coffee without sunglasses on. Proof of life in small, almost imperceptible doses.

The soft launch is not about convincing the world you are fine. It is not about performing strength or selling resilience as an aesthetic. It is about slipping back into yourself piece by piece, even when you still feel like a ghost.

Sometimes it is messy, sometimes it is petty, sometimes it is completely unplanned. But each time you let yourself be seen, by friends, by strangers, by yourself, you loosen his grip on your story. Healing remains uneven and unglamorous, but the soft launch whispers the truth: you are still here, and that is enough.

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Kelly:

the number cannot be reached now, please hang up and try again later. Welcome back to the His Loss Hotline. I don't know if we should call you, like His Loss Hotline hotties, whatever the fuck. Well, I'll come up with something and you'll hear it eventually. But we're here because we don't chase closure. We change our profile pic, we post a thirst trap and we call it emotional growth or we could actually emotionally grow and go to therapy. But I digress. I'm not an expert, I'm just a girl. But I'm Kelly, obviously, your hotline operator, a former wife of a man who thought emotional availability meant occasionally liking my Instagram story.

Kelly:

And today we're talking about the dreaded soft launch. And before we get into it, quick disclaimer if you're still in the stage where, like, even brushing your teeth feels like an Olympic sport, you're not behind. That's still healing. We talked about this back in episode two. Like healing doesn't need to be aesthetic. You don't need to. What did I say? Get bangs, because you don't owe anyone, proof that you're okay. We hope that you're okay, but you don't owe anyone anything.

Kelly:

But this episode is about the moment you finally start to like peek out again in a way, not because you're like fully healed or not, because you're thriving. Hey, girl, you could be both. I don't even know I wasn't. I'm definitely thriving more now. My life is still a shit show, but that's like kind of my brand. It's like chaotic, but like it's fun, it's fine, everything's fine. Um, but we're doing this because you know you're tired of hiding um and we're not talking about, you know, the soft launch of like man in the pat, like a man in the passenger seat or the cryptic elbow in a mirror selfie. I and we are so done with soft launching men. I'm so tired of seeing it. No offense, don't really care. Plus, it's a man. So I digress. But this is about like the quiet, slightly unhinged probably definitely not approved by your therapist, definitely not approved by my therapist Rollout of your post breakup version of you. It's not about being healed, it's about being seen again, just enough to remind yourself that you exist. Just enough to remind yourself that you exist. So let's get into it, okay. So what even is a fucking soft launch? A soft launch is basically when you start acting like a person again, like quietly. I know that sounds so dramatic, but like breakups really are one of those things in life where it can be so devastating and really affect everything, like you are doing and your body is feeling you shut down. But there's like no note notes, app statement, no, like dramatic new era post which I've done, girl, don't even worry Just like small, almost unnoticeable shifts that say, yeah, I may be spiraling, but at least I put my lip gloss on and in my book that is a win.

Kelly:

Things like examples like that if you were married, it's archiving the wedding photos. For me it was deleting them. If you're not there yet, that's okay. It's posting a picture in that jacket. He said he hated.

Kelly:

This is an example of not when I was married, but when I was dating this guy and he said that I this was really unhinged and I don't know if I should have done this, but it's fine. Um, he said I would look bad with short hair. So then, a couple days later and I think we were still kind of dating at this time a couple days later I cut all my hair off like into a bob, like one of those fuck-ass bobs, and yeah, I think it was kind of baller. But you know, some people say that's unhinged, whatever. But um, it's also sharing a meme. That's, you know, technically about healing, but it's also 100% a subtweet. I used to subtweet my exes too in high school. Let's just say, like in high school I was unwell. Probably, I don't know. Maybe don't subtweet um because we hate twitter, we hate x or whatever the fuck it's called. Um because fuck Elon Musk. Um, but sorry about that tangent, just really needed to get that in there.

Kelly:

Um, but you're not healed or you're not over it, but you're starting to like show signs of life. That's the soft launch. And just to be clear, you don't have to be here yet. A soft launch isn't mandatory. You don't even have to do it. You can hard launch whatever the fuck you want. It's your life, it's your healing journey. Whatever the fuck you want, it's your life, it's your healing journey. If your biggest accomplishment today was eating a granola bar and not crying while doing it, like episode two is your reminder that that counts too, like the small wins counts as a soft launch and you don't have to prove that to anybody else. But like there are some signs, you're kind of in your soft launch era, as if we're calling it. I love a good era. Shout out, taylor Swift. I know there's some Swifties listening. You get it, you get it, but some of you are already in your soft launch era and you don't even realize it. If you've done any of these things, congratulations, you're in it.

Kelly:

Change your phone background to something that doesn't make you cry. Mine was, and still is, a very peaceful, kind of like water, because I felt like my life was chaos. So I wanted to look at a screen that didn't make me feel chaotic. Um, stop checking who watched your story most days. Um, I still do this, but not for like my ex. My ex is blocked, so he'll never, ever see anything, thank god, god. But I still look at, like my friends or who's viewing it.

Kelly:

We all do it. Don't even deny that you don't. We all do it, but like you're not checking to see if he is checking it, that's okay. Hell yeah, bought something stupidly overpriced just to feel something. I do this, even not in a breakup. It's actually really bad. Sometimes you just need a little serotonin. Okay, coming from a anxiety and depression girlie, shout out Sertraline, sponsor me. If you don't know that. That's an ssri um for anxiety. Um, or another sign is uh, told your friends I don't care anymore. But also checked his venmo likes like 30 minutes later, which, when it comes to venmo. That's ultimate stalking. Not stalking, but like really getting into it, girl.

Kelly:

Or posted a healing quote that barely cleared main. It's okay, we've all been there, babes, but notice, I didn't say anything about looking amazing or having your life together. This isn't about slaying, even though you are queen you are, I know you are, I don't even know you, I might know you, but slaying the girlies are slaying. It's literally about existing again, even if it's still sad or messy or both or chaotic. Who fucking cares?

Kelly:

And also, like, not every comeback or whatever has to be this full rebrand. You don't need, like I said, a dramatic haircut. I did get extensions when I got a divorce, but like, that was for me, that was for me to feel better. You also don't need a brand new personality or a man with face tattoos to prove that you've quote unquote moved on. Sometimes your soft launch is just, unfortunately and fortunately just eating again, texting your friends back, putting on actual clothes to go to like I don't fucking know like a CVS, and honestly, sometimes it's posting a hot photo when you cried 20 minutes before. If it's for yourself, like if it makes you feel better, do it. Why can't we be honest on social media? We can post that you're a fucking wreck. Go ahead, girl, a hundred percent. I think you like. If that makes you feel better and that's how you are healing, do it, do it.

Kelly:

It's okay to not be okay, but it's also okay to post a hot selfie and say bitch, this is me. And yeah, people may judge your ex, may judge who cares? I'm so tired of people pleasing and I hope others are too. Um, I feel like in the realm of like TikTok. I was talking about this last night at dinner.

Kelly:

The realm of TikTok has really brought in, like the authenticity. Sometimes there's too much of it. Yeah, sometimes I'm like y'all need a little bit of like hiding, a little bit of shame. Bring back public shame. But honestly, be real, be honest. But you're also allowed to be a little fake too, like that's okay. I know that's like a contradiction, but why not? That's what a soft launch is. It's kind of a little fake. It can be a little petty a little. I'm doing okay when you're absolutely not, but you're trying and just so we're clear, don't confuse this with with performing your healing.

Kelly:

You don't know, you don't owe anyone an aesthetic version of your recovery. A soft launch launch fully is for you, it's not for them, or the haters, or whatever the fuck you're going to call them. That's totally fine. But I feel like there's some rules, maybe a little bit in the soft launch era and like things that no one tells you about in this era. You don't have to feel ready to start, you just have to be tired of letting him or them live rent free in your silence. So I'm going to come up with some like unofficial rules right now and please follow them. Maybe I have followed them, we'll see. But don't post for him. Holy'll see. But um, don't post for him. Holy fucking shit, please don't post for him.

Kelly:

Post for the version of you who stayed too long and thought this breakup would destroy her a hundred percent. Um. Rule number two you don't owe anyone an explanation. People will figure it out when you stop crying on your main account, and yeah, that's okay. And if people are like what's happening, what's happening, and you don't want to tell them and they're not your closest friends, you don't have to, you don't owe anyone. Rule number three let it be boring, let it be weird. You're not a brand, you're a person figuring it out Truly and maybe like rule number four take the damn photo, even if you don't post it yet, even if you still feel like a ghost in your own skin, take it. Take it if you want to take it, because if it makes you feel better in some way, do it.

Kelly:

Healing there's no roadmap for healing, and especially in like outward healing. But like I also want to clear like a few things up, like myths, almost Myth number one you have to look amazing to be in your soft launch era. Nope, wrong. Sometimes your I'm back post. Is you wearing sweatpants, holding a Diet Coke? Or right now it's my obsessionist diet, dr Pepper, I don't know. Apparently, I just found out they have prune juice in it. Maybe Not good for my IBS girlies, aka me. So sorry, my mom texted me that, so I don't know if that's accurate information. I haven't looked it up, don't know, I don't know. I don't know where she got that information either, so I digress. But uh, shout out, mama subu, you, you know, you, the listeners know, um, the point is to the that photo is that you're back you. You're visible. You're visible again, not that you're auditioning for the Bachelor. Which girl? If you want to go ahead, why not Remember what we said in episode two Healing isn't supposed to look aesthetic. Same rule here. Myth number two you don't have to make it obvious. Actually, the best soft launches are the ones where no one's a hundred percent sure if it's a new me moment or it's just. Finally, you washed your hair.

Kelly:

Um, when I posted my divorce party, I didn't necessarily call it a divorce party To my friends I did, but I just posted a bunch of hot selfies and group photos with them at the party and I think I put the song oh god, where she goes, she's back. Oh god, what is that song called? Is it called she's back? I'm gonna go look literally on my Instagram right now we're doing this live sexy red, she's back's Back. Yeah, by Sexy Red. I did put my caption was the end of an error and then I put, if you know, you know, a lot of people didn't get it. Okay, that's kind of a harder launch, but it was also my own soft launch, so whatever. And then myth number three and I think this is at least obvious to me, but could not be it has to be online.

Kelly:

Soft launches can be IRL, in real life, if no one knows what that means Showing up to a party sitting in a coffee shop without sunglasses on and you're hungover Girl I've always I've also been there or just existing outside of your apartment. Sometimes your quote unquote content is just breathing fresh air or like how the girlies like to say, touching grass Okay, and that is totally fine. And if you're like listening to this and you're like I don't even know how I would even soft launch or I'm heartbroken and I want to do these things, cool, I have some like I don't know if you call it a strategy that might actually work for you. And if you're not like ready for that big comeback but you're just starting to feel like yourself again, I have like some moves, okay, that are for you, not the feed. I don't give a fuck about the feed. I do a little bit, but, like because that's like my day job and also, um, how people find this podcast. So I don't give a fuck, but I do give a fuck about the feed, okay, um, but like some things that helped me make a playlist of songs you loved before the relationship and play it while you're cleaning or you're cooking or you're, however, or if you're laying down in your bed. However you, you're living, do it Wear something you bought just for yourself, not something he liked on you. Maybe don't do what I did and cut your hair off when one of your ex-boyfriends tells you you wouldn't look good with short hair. But I did it for me, I did it in spite. Maybe don't do it in spite, I don't know about that one, but okay. And then, like third, rearrange one corner of your space so it feels new, and yours.

Kelly:

With my divorce, I actually just moved out of my apartment. We had to break the lease. I had to essentially force him to pay his side of the lease breaking fee. He actually really quick side note he suggested to me that we could wait out the lease. For wait out the lease which was had like five more months on it, something crazy like that, maybe six more months on it, and he was like we could just like live together. And I was like you think it would be good for a divorced couple to live together? And he was like, yeah, I just don't want to spend the money because, remember, he had no money so he had to beg his mommy to pay that lease break. But I digress, but like just make something feel new and something that he hasn't or they haven't like not stained. But you know what I mean. Like, if they've hung out in your room or your apartment, get new pillows, get, just. Feel like something is fresh and new and something that you feel is for you.

Kelly:

Take a solo walk with a podcast that makes you laugh. Please, ladies, do this safely in a safe neighborhood. That's my only caveat to this. I think, uh, hot girl walks the best, okay, but uh, just, yeah, make sure you're safe. And also, if you want the podcast to be, you know this podcast, I wouldn't be like a post, but, um, this is just advice in general so you could listen to whatever the hell you want. Go listen to some songs you love. Who cares? Do what you want. Um, I think this is like the fifth one, I don't fucking know. Go to a different coffee shop than your regular one so you don't accidentally run into him if you guys went to the same one.

Kelly:

Okay, it's the small things.

Kelly:

It's the small things. It's the small things about making changes, and not because, like, he's affecting those changes, it's because you, you want to do them. You are showing up for yourself, and if you're not ready to post or show up or like publicly, that's fine. No one else ever has to see these or like, hear these things that you're doing it's just for you and your healing, and like, for me, the truth is my soft launch didn't look like a glow-up. I'm currently in my glow-up era, um, not brag or anything, but truly I felt so much better after my divorce after I got through kind of the healing aspect of everything. I'm still healing. There's lifelong healing with that, but you know the like initial pain and agony.

Kelly:

Like my soft launch didn't look like a glow up, like all cute and amazing. It wasn't aesthetic Um, it looked like calling my mom from the closet again. Um, it looked like posting a selfie and deleting it two hours later. It looked like, uh, showing up to a birthday dinner even though I felt like I couldn't breathe and I didn't fucking want to go, but I knew it would be good for me. But each time I kind of let myself be seen, even if it was a little, and I started to feel real again, like I existed outside of the breakup, outside of this version of me, his version of me, and for me those were steps and that was enough.

Kelly:

So you don't have to like necessarily, you know, slay or have this crazy glow up. Most girlies do after a breakup. That's that's like honestly scientific fact at this point but I'm no scientist so I can't like say that. But like you don't have to be healed, you just have to show up and like that's the whole point. Healing is still like messy and non-linear and it's crazy. But a soft launch kind of is proof of life and sometimes that is enough to keep going.

Kelly:

But uh, that's it for this week's episode of his loss hotline. And if you're not in the soft launch area yet, don't stress, stay in your ugly stage. Okay, not like your ugly stage, but like you know what I mean, like ugly healing. Not, you're never ugly girly, but stay in that as long as you need. This episode will still be here when you're ready. That's okay.

Kelly:

But next week we're getting a little bit more into the chaos of everything. Um, divorce confessions I've read some of them. They're fucking crazy. I'm so sorry to the girlies who have gone through this. Um, but we're gonna get into it the catharsis, the mess, the unhinged realities of what it's actually like to end a marriage and uh live to tell all your friends, maybe even your group chat, maybe it's the same friends who cares.

Kelly:

But uh, in the meantime, text this episode to your best friend if you want or like, leave a five-star review, or follow us on TikTok and Instagram at Girl Hang Up. We also do have a Facebook. If that's your jam, it's usually just TikTok and Instagram, but we also have a Pinterest. So, yeah, follow us everywhere for maybe hot takes or soft launch, level petty or whatever else we feel like posting, but just know that we're always here for you and I really really, really, really, really really need you guys all to remember. It's his loss. It's his loss. I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Goodbye.